


Everyone celebrates Christmas

by E_J



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28485996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J/pseuds/E_J
Summary: Christmas approaches Storybrook and everyone is getting ready to celebrate, even the fearsome Captain Hook. Killian has prepared to spend the holidays with Emma, the only problem is that she hasn't seemed to notice.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	1. Preparing Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Todo el mundo celebra la Navidad](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204059) by [E_J](https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J/pseuds/E_J). 
  * A translation of [Todo el mundo celebra la Navidad](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204059) by [E_J](https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J/pseuds/E_J). 



> I posted this story a few months ago in Spanish, but since it's that time of the year I have decided to post it again in English. There is a second chapter that I will upload eventually. I will try to post it next week, but I'm not sure I'll have the time to translate it. 
> 
> This story happens at some point after Elsa leaves Storybrooke but before Cruella and the rest arrive. 
> 
> While this story happens in the same universe as my previous ones, they're not necesarily related, so you don't need to have read them to understand it (though if I say so myself, you may as well drop by and see).
> 
> English is not my first language, and I find translating much difficult than just straight up writting in English, so they may (and probably will) be mistakes in grammar and speeling. Sorry about that. 
> 
> Every comment, kudos and suggestions are appreciated.

Killian doesn’t understand how this land’s festivities work; all of them seem strange and nonsensical. He knows that since he first arrived at Storybrooke there have been several festivities he didn’t partake in. It didn’t make sense really, he wasn’t planning on staying around and it didn't seem anyone wanted him to stay, so it was a waste of time to get involved in pointless events. But now things are different. He has Emma, and although things are still tentative it seems to be heading towards a real relationship. And if he had anything to say about it, that is exactly the path it will follow. Still, festivities seem ridiculous to him, but the next one that is noted on the calendar has caught his attention. 

The first time he heard of Christmas he didn’t understand anything. Why is the birth of a child celebrated? Why do they give each other presents to celebrate it? And above all, why the hell is that Santa Claus guy giving out the presents? Who is that guy?

But after some initial doubts, and a healthy amount of researching in the library and interrogating Belle, the festivity, while still strange, it seems so much more worthy of being celebrated than he had thought. He likes the idea of celebrating family and friends, gathering all together to have dinner and exchange presents as a token of affection. Coming together and celebrating that, whatever happens, you have people you love and care about and that they love and care for you. For someone who lost everyone centuries ago, it seems like a beautiful idea. Mostly because he has once again people he cares about, and after decades of loneliness he wants to celebrate that he’s not alone anymore, he has people in his life. 

However, he’s not sure how he will fit into these celebrations. He knows people have dinner one day and lunch the next one; that presents are exchanged at some point in between the meals depending on how close you are with the people. He also knows that not everyone c goes to all the meals, those, like the presents, depend on your relationship with them. But it doesn’t really matter to him. He just wants to celebrate it, when and with whom else aside from Emma and her boy is not important. He imagines Snow and the prince will take part in the celebrations, as well as little Neal, so it would be bad form to not get them presents.

Since he discovered the meaning of the festivity a few weeks ago, Killians has been thinking about possible presents. And while he’s not sure of what could be appropriate for each person, there is something he is certain about, he needs money. Is not that he doesn’t have any, he has lots of coins and treasures from his days as a pirate in the Enchanted Forest, but it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right to use money obtained through robberies and murders to buy presents aimed at celebrating family. No, he needs to earn money for it. And he needs to do it honourably. That's why he asks Belle for help. He’s spend enough time at the library to know that there are many books still untranslated and he’s lived long enough to learn several languages. So he decides to talk to Belle and offer himself to help at the library in exchange for a salary. She’s suspicious at first, but necessity overcomes her and, while reluctantly, she accepts his proposal.

Surprisingly they make a good team. Both enjoy reading and researching and as days go by, without even noticing, they get into a rhythm and camaraderie that no-one could had expected. 

It’s precisely that camaraderie that pushes Killian to trust Belle with his plans for the money. He really didn’t need to tell her, but after weeks of thinking about it and coming out without any appropriate present for the Charmings, he thinks there is nothing to lose by asking for help. And she does help him. It’s a bit annoying the smirk she gives him for the following days, but when a week after she walks into the library with coffee for both and answers for him, Killian decides that allowing Belle to tease him is the very least he can do. 

Unfortunately, Killian soon discovers that deciding the presents is not enough. His lack of awareness of this realm economy had made him underestimate heavily the amount of money he would need and with only a couple weeks from the festivity he realises there is no way he can earn enough money in the library to afford all the presents. Seeing his dilemma, Belle offered to advance the necessary pays so he could buy everything he wanted, but that was not the way he wanted to make things. No matter how hard he works to compensate for the advanced pays, that money wouldn’t had been obtained honourably and Killian refuses to take handouts, specially to buy gifts. 

And it’s not like it is impossible to get the money on time. While he may not earn it all in the library, it doesn’t mean he can’t take other jobs to compensate for it. It’s true that time is tight, but he spent enough years as a slave to have learnt how to work hard. And in the big picture, a couple weeks of hard work and little sleep is a small price to pay for the happiness of the people he cares about. 

It takes time, and a little convincing, his fame precedes him and there aren't many people willing to give Captain Hook work, but eventually he gets a couple jobs on the docks that will pay him enough to compensate for the missing money. He will have enough to even buy a few extra presents. 

Initially he was only going to buy presents for Emma and her family, but as time went by he realised he also cared about Belle. She had been extremely kind to him when she didn’t need to be. It’s only right to give her something as well. However, it’s a surprise finding himself thinking presents for the Widow Lucas, but just as with Belle it feels right. The apparently thought old lady seems to have developed a soft spot for him. Since he started working on the docks he’s found hot meals waiting for him when he goes back to the inn to sleep, despite knowing the dinner has been close for hours and there is a strict policy of “if you arrive after the kitchen closes, there will be no food”. 

To his surprise, it’s very easy to find the perfect present for each woman. Not just deciding what to get them, but actually buying the presents, something that had been a challenge for Emma and Henry’s presents. 

To which he had a hard time finding the perfect option was, funny enough, the wrapping paper. Out of the very few presents he made during his years in the Enchanted Forest, the wrapping had always been plain brown paper, so Belle’s strange look when he asked where he could find it was confusing. Finding out that in this realm presents are wrapped on colourful papers was a nice surprise. He always thought that the brown paper collided with the gesture of doing a present so seeing the shiny and vibrant wrappings was a huge improvement. On the other hand, discovering that not every paper is appropriate for every occasion and person seemed a bit excessive. Luckily the whole when and what wrapping you should use was vague enough as to not reveal to Belle that he was planning on giving her something. That certainly would have ruined the surprise. 

With the present bought, wrapped and tagged several days before the festivity, it’s just about waiting for Swan to let him know of the specific plans. 

However, days go by and Emma doesn’t tell him anything. Though she asks him for help to get Henry’s present and to tag along to buy for her parents. She barely talks about what the festivity means to her, but Killian doesn’t need for her to say it out loud to know that it is important. He was an orphan himself, he was also abandoned and alone, so he understands perfectly how important it’s to be able to celebrate a festivity aimed at the family with your own family. But aside from briefly mentioning possible organizations and complaining about having to share Henry with Regina, somehow Killian had completely forgotten about the Evil Queen, Emma doesn’t say anything about how, or with whom, she is going to celebrate. 

As the date approaches, Killian finds that both his enthusiasm and nerves grow. He's excited of being able to celebrate something, anything, with people he cares about. The fact that the festivity itself is to celebrate family makes things so much better. But he can’t get rid of his nerves. He likes Emma, a lot, and he knows that even if she doesn’t say, her family approval is important. He knows if Henry doesn’t approve, there is nothing to do about it, which is lucky since, while the boy doesn’t seem thrilled about having him around, he doesn’t seem to care much about their relationship. The Charmings on the other hand, are something completely different. Snow seems to be excited about it, but she seems to be excited about absolutely everything so it’s not really unexpected. David, however, had made clear on numerous occasions that neither does he like Killian, nor he wants him around Emma. Killian knows that if Emma wants to be with him, she will have no issue telling her father off, but he also knows that, with her tendency to doubting relationships, if she is unsure, David’s opinion may tilt Emma’s decision away from him. And for that he is nervous. 

He’s also a bit scared, though he would never admit it. He’s aware of what are the stakes, of how important is this festivity for everyone. And if anyone has the potential of blowing it up, is him. He’s unaware of the traditions, unfamiliar with the festivity and what is and isn’t appropriate, he’s not close family and one of the family members openly despises him. It’s a ticking bomb. And it terrifies him that he may destroy such a precious moment, not only for Emma, but for everyone involved. That’s why he makes his best effort on the previous days.

He does everything Emm asks; helps Henry and Snow to prepare things, stay out of trouble and rum, and tries not to provoke David. That last thing is a bit complicated because it seems his mere existence annoys the price, but at least he tries. 

When the morning of the 23 arrives, Killian nerves start to turn on worry. At this point all the plans are decided and agreed, all the presents are bought (mostly), the food is ordered and some dishes had started to get ready. The houses are decorated, the clothes cleaned and ironed and the silverware had been brought up from storage and dusted. Everything is ready to celebrate. And yet no-one has told him anything. He himself has taken the presents out of their hiding spot and has put them somewhere more accessible. He didn't try to decorate his room, because it seemed pointless since he wasn't going to be there, But he had brought some clothes. From Belle's explanations he had understood that people dressed in a fancier manner for the celebration, and while he had clothes fitted for balls, those were Enchanted Forest clothes and didn't fit well in this realm. So he had decided to go out and get something appropriate . 

But the 23 goes away and the 24 comes around. This is the day, the celebration starts with today's dinner. Since is a holyday, Killian only has to work half shift in the library. He has that whole afternoon free so he doesn't bother to dress up, there will be time for that. He finnish work by 2pm, offers to get Belle lunch so she doesn't lose any time, and after finishing his own food he starts to get ready. At 5 o'clock sharp he goes down to the mini party they have prepared on the dinner, with the intention to meet Emma there and go together to her parents to celebrate .

The party is nice, there is plenty of food and drinks though he limits himself aware of the dinner waiting at the Charming's. Belle's not around, still busy in the library, but it doesn't stop him from finding people to talk to. Many of the workers on the docks had developed a tentative relationship with him from the shifts he'd picked; and for some strange reason the dwarfs al tend to gravitate around him. 

He's having a great time, talking animatedly with one of the fishermen when he notices the whole Charming clan starts picking up their coats. He's approaching them, with the intention to ask if it's time to go, when he realizes they aren’t waiting for him. 

With a knock on his stomach he walks the few meters separating them, keeping a neutral face when they see him just a couple steps away. The first one to see him is David, staring at him with as crowl. At the man's reaction, Emma and her mum turn around to him, both with smiles on their faces. Snow explains they’re going to have dinner and after getting the baby warm, turns around and says goodbye. Killian is so dazed that he barely manages to answer before they’re at the door, leaving him alone with Emma. She, for some reason, seems uncomfortable being just the two of them, and after explaining they’re celebrating today and tomorrow and she won’t be seeing him until the 26, she leans in, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, and leaves. 

Killian feels like he’s been thrown out the Jolly. He thought he was going to celebrate the festivity with them. He was sure of it. They had made plans in front of him, he’d helped with the decorations and the shopping, had been asked opinion on the menú and had gone with them to buy the presents. He had done exactly the same as everyone else and had participated in the whole process. ¿How come he could do the work but wasn’t deserving of enjoying the results?

“Because you’re worthless, boy”

It’s been years, decades, since he last heard that voice. Centuries since he felt like the small defenceless kid whose father had sold in exchange of a dinghy. But maybe he had been mistaken. Emma was supposed to be the person who made him happy, the one to help him find out who he really was. However, she was the first person since he joined the Royal Navy that had made him feel like the slave he once was. So, maybe, that was what he really was, someone who was only good to work but was undeserving of the rewards.  
Killian isn’t sure how long he’s standing there, but by the time he gets back to himself the party has gone down a lot and there are just a few stragglers and people who have no-one to celebrate with. Despite the second group includes him, all his festive mood has evaporated and he’s no longer feeling up to be around people, so he turns around and walks back to his room. When he arrives, the view of the presents makes him nauseous. He can’t believe how stupid he was. Of course they weren’t going to invite him along. Who’s him? He’s no-one. He’s not even Emma’s boyfriend. It’s true they have kissed a few times, and even went out on a date, but Emma has never referred to him as anything else than “Hook” or “Killian”, and she barely accepts his displays of affection when there are people around. It’s clear to her he’s just someone to have fun for a while and then leave. He’s a pirate after all, that’s all they get. 

The room feels small and suffocating, and he can’t stand the idea of being locked up between these four walls; so graving Belle’s and Granny’s presents he heads out. He leaves Granny’s present in front of her room, carefully balanced on the doorknob so she can see it and read the tag without bending down. He then goes to the library, making sure Belle’s still inside before doing the same with her present. After making sure the small, shiny package is safe and at view, and that no-one has seen him, he slips away, roaming the night without a destination in an attempt to clear his mind and emotions. 

Undoubtedly, his feet bring him to the docks. The sea has always calmed him and though the cold is so much perceptible near the water, it is welcomed. He’s not dressed to face the weather, he was dressed with interior clothes and the only thing he graved before leaving were the presents. But he doesn’t mind. The wind and snow swirl around him, penetrating to his bones and numbing him enough so he can only feel the pain in his joints as they freeze. 

Hours go by before he decides to move, many more than are healthy to be standing out in the cold with below 0 temperatures. But as anyone who had spent their life at sea, he’s stood enough guards on the crow’s nest to have gained resistance to spend one night out in the open. 

When the sun starts to head out in the horizon, he goes back to the inn. When he arrives, takes the presents meant to Emma and her family and heads to the Charming’s to drop them at the door where they can find them in the morning. With all the present delivered, he goes back to his room one last time. 

When he finally closes and locks the door he takes in, for the first time since he arrived to Storybrooke, the space that is now his residence. It’s much bigger than the Captain chambers on the Jolly, but it feels a lot more stifling. The decoration is minimal and, although it didn’t initially bother him, the contrast with the festive decoration he’s been immersed in the last few weeks, makes him wish he had taken the time to decorate it up a bit. 

After briefly lamenting about his room, he takes his clothes off, a lot colder with them off than without, and gets in bed. He’s exhausted, a lot more than he had thought, too many hours of work and too little rest catching up with him. He’s not particularly interested in sleeping, the emotions of the day still fighting heavily within him, but he lets go, hoping he will find in his sleep the relief to the anguish of feeling abandoned. 

The dawn of the 25 comes while Killian sleeps. Hungry. Cold. Sad. Lonely. Just as he felt through all the years he spent as a slave. Feeling, again, as the little kid whose father didn’t know how to love.


	2. But Killian doesn’t celebrate Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. It took longer than expected but the thing about procrastinating is that suddenly you have a lot of things to do in very little time and you don't have a free second to translate your own story. But everything is done now (mostly) and this story finnaly is up. 
> 
> I may translate my other stories from English to Spainsh, and the other way around for those I'm still writting, but that will come in time. If anyone has any preference as to which one translate first (because I too am lazy and I understand prefering to read on my own language despite having 0 problem to read in other), tell me and I'll see to start there. 
> 
> As always, English is not my first language (and turns out I'm a lot worts at translating than writting directly in the language) so there'll probably be mistakes in grammar and spelling. And I wanted to post this so I haven't proofread it. Sorry about that. 
> 
> Every comment, suggestion and kudos, are very much appreciated.

**But Killian doesn’t celebrate Christmas**

Emma has not seen Killian in days. No since she said goodbye to him at Granny’s party, but it’s been 5 days and there is no sign of him. She thought she would see him when she went to pick up lunch for her and David on the 26th; Killian is always waiting for her to arrive, but he wasn’t there. Though, now that she thinks of it, she had barely seen Killian at the dinner in the last few weeks. It’s true they met often, and he helped her with all the festivities’ preparations, but all those moments were actually agreed beforehand, as if Killian had suddenly a full schedule. Which is ridiculous because he’s a pirate and doesn’t have a job. Has he been avoiding her? How does he dare to be annoyed that she doesn’t have time for him when he, who has absolutely nothing to do, has spent the last few weeks seen her only when she asked him to drop by. If he’s so interested in her, he should be making an effort as well. God, he doesn’t even come by the sheriff station anymore, and they both know Emma spends most of her time bored to dead doing paperwork.

The more she thinks about it, the angrier she gets, especially when she thinks on the confused and slightly hurt look Killian gave her when they parted ways on the night of the 24th. At first, she didn’t want to think about it, it was a time for celebration, and she didn’t want to cloud it thinking about why Killian looked upset. But now it makes her angry. Who does he think he is? Who does he think _she_ is? Someone to be around for parties and having a fun only when he wants it? It’s not going to happen. He and his lost puppy look can go fuck themselves.

By the time she gets to the dinner she’s absolutely furious, and she doesn’t know whether she’s happy or not that Killian isn’t there. She’s so focused on her own frustration that Belle’s cheery presence startles her. However, the conversation that follows leaves her completely frozen.

“Who would have thought he had such a great taste, uh? Truth be told, when he first told me I was dubious, but I can see he was spot on” Belle says as a way of greeting, the soft smile and knowing confusing her almost as much as her words.

“Uh?”

“The sweater. It fits you nicely. And the color is perfect for you. I would have never imagined it, but I don’t spend as much time with you as he does either.”

“The sweater? Do you know who it is from?” Okay, now she’s curious. It’s true the sweater is exactly her style, but she didn’t have a clue who had given it to her. If she didn’t like it so much she probably wouldn’t be wearing it.

“What do you mean who it is from? Killian, of course. Didn’t he give it to you? He had all your presents bought, was going to give them away during dinner at your parents. He had one for me as well, apparently; I found it when I closed the library. When I saw it on the door, I thought he had left it on the way to your dinner, that that was why he didn’t come in to give it in person.”

“Killian? Killian bought this to me?” Belle nods. “And you say he also bought the rest of my family’s presents?” Belle nods again, looking by the second as confused as Emma feels. “And what do you mean that he was going to give them over dinner? Killian didn’t have dinner with us”.

“He didn’t? But he had been helping you guys with the preparations and the shopping. You even asked his opinion on the menu. He asked me for time off to help you out. He’s worked so hard during the last few weeks. He was very excited about the holiday, about the whole celebrating with the family thing. He investigated about the traditions and presents to know what was appropriate and who might want what. He even asked for a job in the docks in order to save enough money for the presents. I offered to forward the next payments by the said that wouldn’t be honourably earned money.”

Woah, what? This doesn’t make any sense at all. Killian’s a pirate, he hasn’t worked in his life. And he’s not from this land, he’s never celebrated Christmas, didn’t even know what it was until a few weeks ago. And even if he was interested, Killian has loads of coins and treasures, he doesn’t need to work to buy things.

“Belle, I have absolutely no idea what are you talking about. Killian doesn’t celebrate Christmas and even if he did, he’s had more than enough money, he doesn’t need to work to buy presents.”

“I know Killian has never celebrated Christmas before. But when he heard of the holiday, he asked me about it, and when he knew it was a festivity to celebrate family and that people gave each other presents, he asked me for a job in the library because he wanted to buy presents with honest rather than stolen money. He also asked advice about what to buy to each one and where to buy it. When he realised he wasn’t going to be able to save enough for all the presents working in the library, he started doing night shifts in the docks. Honestly, I don’t know how he’s done it. He was working with me the whole day and when he was done at 5 he went straight to the docks to keep working. I don’t even know when he went back home to sleep.”

“He came back at 1 in the morning.” Granny’s voice startles both of them “At first I thought he was coming back from the Rabbit Hole, but after a couple of days I noticed he came from the docs. When I asked him during breakfast if he was having dinner he said he was used to work without eating. The poor boy was working 8 hours in the library and then some more on the docks with just the eggs of the breakfast and the lunch’s sandwich. Is a miracle he hasn’t pass out from exhaustion and hunger. And he really has good taste on presents, he also left something for me on my door.”

“And are you both sure the presents were from Killian?” It’s probably not the most important part to focus on after everything she’s heard, but Emma’s in shock and her brain hasn’t catch up with all the info.

“Absolutely. I have been working with him for over 5 weeks. His handwriting is unmistakable.”

After that Granny goes to attend other clients and Belle picks up her order and leaves to the library. Emma wonders briefly if Killian’s there, but doesn’t go to check. All the fury she felt when she entered the dinner is gone and now she feels cold and empty. Killian wasn’t ignoring her, he had been working himself to exhaustion in order to celebrate Christmas with them. He’d taken away hours of the rest he needed so much to help her and her family get everything ready for the holiday. And they had pushed him away and disregarded him. Emma feels like the worst person in the world. She knows too well what it feels like to no belong. See others happy, celebrating and having fun while you look from outside. She knows the feeling of not being enough; of no matter what you do you’re unworthy and undeserving of enjoying the rewards of the work. Emma knows how it feels like and how it looks like, and yet she missed it. Not only she didn’t realised Killian was being used and tossed away but she was the one doing it. She feels like throwing up.

Emma leaves the dinner after a while; she should go to the station, but she doesn’t feel like it. With what she had just heard, seeing her father, who openly despises Killian, feels wrong. The question of where to go is answered when she walks into her mother. Mary Margaret gives her a worry look before leading her to the loft. Once there, they sit in the couch, hot chocolate in hand, and Emma tells her everything she’s just learnt. By the time she’s done, Snow is openly crying, regretting the way they’d treated Killian over the last few weeks. 

When David arrives a couple hours later, they inform him of the origin of the mysterious presents and everything related to them and Killian. David’s look almost makes her laugh; it seems is physically paining him discovering the kit to take care of the sword he loves so much is actually a gift from Killian. He also seems to feels absolutely horrible of the way he’d been treating him. Out of all her family, David is the one who has been more openly hostile against Killian and discovering he’s been cruel to him when Killian was trying to be nice and considerate probably feels like being kick in the guts.

They speak for a while longer until David has to go back to the station, and while Emma should go with him, they decide is better she goes looking for Killian. They need to apologise to him, and Emma is the most likely to be heard. She doesn’t really know where to look, but she decides to start with the library in case he’s still working there. Belle hasn’t given any indication whether he was or not, but from what she said of forwarding the payments Emma assumes the plan was to continue working on the library after the holydays. So, praying a little to whoever is listening her pleads, she leaves the apartment at the same time as her father but with a different destination.

To her surprise, Killian is in the library. When she enters, Belle gives her a strange look, halfway between disapproval and sadness, but doesn’t make any further comments aside telling her where Killian is working. He notices her straight away. His eyes land on the sweater she’s wearing, the one he gave her, but he doesn’t say anything about it which tells her Belle hasn’t tell him Emma knows about the presents. His refusal to acknowledge her aside for the small nod makes clear that he’s upset; and rightfully so. What Emma wasn’t expecting is the shame reflected in his eyes when he looks at the sweater. And that breaks Emma’s heart. They hurt him. A lot. So much that the bold and cheeky Captain Hook is hidden among books in the darker corner in the library, trying to avoid his sweet gesture from being noticed. Which Emma doesn’t expect either is the fear appearing on Killian’s face when she takes off the sweater. Is too hot in here and Emma doesn’t understand how he seems completely unfazed by temperatures, whether the cold or warm ones.

They haven’t said anything yet, Killian remain still, pen in hand and his eyes in her, sober expression and looking like the criminal who knows is going to be sentenced to death and waits patiently to the veridic to be official. On the other hand, Emma’s eyes look over Killian, noticing all the little changes that have happened over the last weeks and she missed. The clear weight loss and the dark circles around his eyes knock the air out of her. How did she not notice earlier? How no-on in her family noticed? It only takes a look to see he’s been working to much with very little food and even less rest. She is really a terrible person.

“I’m sorry” Killian’s words surprise her. He has nothing to be sorry for. Why is he apologising?

“Why?”

“It’s obvious I misunderstood the situation and exceeded the limits. I made an overly high evaluation of myself and meddled where I wasn’t wanted.”

And fuck if that hurts. Because is her fault. She had Killian dancing at an impossible tune just to finally tell him there wasn’t any music. She always suspected Killian’s bravado was more theatre than real. A carefully designed façade to hide his insecurities. But she also thought he had a bigger than average ego. Knowing she has managed not only to knock him down a few notches but put him down enough to make him doubt his own worth, hurts. Because she knows that feeling. Over her years in the foster system, she met too many people decided to make her feel worthless. She swore she would never be like that, and yet here she is. Somehow, she’s managed to make a pirate captain feel he is worthless.

“Killian you have nothing to apologise for. I’m the one that has to apologise.” The look of utter surprise he gives her makes her uncomfortable. Has she hurt Killian so much that he doesn’t even feel he deserves an apology? “Killian, please, forgive me. I was unfair to you. I knew you would help me without question if I asked. I knew you had feelings for me and would do whatever I asked. However, I didn’t realise you knew what the festivity meant, I didn’t realise you wanted to celebrate it, despite you making it quite clear. I was so focused on what I could get from you that I didn’t think of what I was taking away form you. I used you. And I am sorry.”

“That’s what I’m for, Swan. It’s all I’m good for.” Killian’s sad look makes her want to cry. What happened to this man to think he’s worth so little? What was done to him?

“No, Killian. No-on deserves to be used. Everyone has worth. You included. And you are so worthy. I don’t know what has happened to you, but I see the man you are now. Belle and Granny told me how much you have been working; Belle told me how much you have helped her. Killian, you are a good person, and you are worthy. I’ sorry I make you feel otherwise.”

Killian stares at her, equally hopeful and reluctant, and Emma realises it’s gonna take a long time to make him see his worth. Whatever were the wounds inflicted on him, they’re deep and will take time to heal, if they ever do. But Emma will be there for him, to remind him every time that he’s worthy and that there are people that care about him. 

A while latter Belle shows up, thanks Killian for the present and tells him to go get some rest. At that, Emma invites him for dinner at the loft. She knows her parents want to apologise as well and it would do good to Killian to have one homemade meals that doesn’t comes from Granny.

When they arrive to the loft there are more apologies, and hugs, and tears. And while Killian tries to pretend and gets his cheeky side out, Emma can seem he’s not sure what to do with all the appreciation. That only affiances her resolve to make him see his worth.

When things calm down, and Mary Margarete manages to stop crying enough to heat up the food in the oven, they sit down for dinner. It’s clear Killian still feels awkward but hungers defeats shame and soon enough he’s shoving food in, and while he doesn’t ask for a second, despite being obvious he’s still hungry, David acts ass host and father and refills his plate again.

They move to the living room for the deserts and it’s not long before Killian falls sleep, weeks of hard work finally taking tool. Carefully they clean up and settle him down on the couch. Emma notices a small scar on his shoulder, partially covered by his T-shirt but obviously too defined to be a wound, and she wonders it that has something to do with Killian’s lack of self-esteem. But that doesn’t matter now. One day she may ask about it, or maybe he tell her himself, but there is no hurry. He’s not going anywhere. She’s not going anywhere. She’s staying here, making sure Killian knows how much he’s worthy. And maybe, one day, she will know what happened to Killian.

But that’s a story for another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning to write about Killian's scar. I've actually started it. But I have no idea when it will happen. Though it will, eventually.


End file.
